urban asshole notification cards

Urban life is fraught with daily challenges. We’re beset on all sides — by thoughtless co-workers, oblivious roommates, and even regular strangers on the street — with the flagrant flouting of the simple rules that govern mundane transactions in society. One such rule, however, is that we don’t confront those who transgress against the social order — and that’s a rule Glarkware feels was made to be broken.

Now you can confront those who wrong you, in a way that won’t result in your getting your ass beat up. Let the Urban Asshole cards do the talking for you, and put urban assholes in their place.

Each card is scored but not folded so you can present them as is or fold them up so that the recipient only sees “Congrats!” before they get “You’re An Asshole” and the hard truth on the other side.

Back of the card reads:

Congrats, You’re An Asshole

Assholes rarely know why they are the way they are, so here’s a clue for you on your journey of self-improvement:

Double parking
Parking in handicap space
Leaving dog in car
Not shovelling sidewalk
Creating your own parking space
Talking really loudly on cell phone while riding public transportation
Being a loud inconsiderate neighbour
Cutting in line
Bringing sixteen items to the fifteen-item express lane
Not tipping / not tipping enough
Not cleaning up after yourself
Not controlling dog
Not giving up seat on public transportation when someone obviously needs it more than you
Walking three abreast on city sidewalks
Leaving trash outside your apartment door
Not dealing with car alarm
Excessive car-horn honking
Leaving kids in car
Leaving your car idling while you run into the store
Snacking on produce and bulk items in grocery store
Opening car door without looking and endangering cyclists
Smoking in non-smoking areas
Taking up too much time with teller because you don’t understand how banking works
Using an ATM for 18 consecutive transactions when people are waiting
Not letting others cut grocery line if they have only a couple items
Berating servicepeople for things not their fault
Parking too close to other cars thereby blocking them in
Not letting others out of the train/bus/store/post office before pushing way in
Not making more coffee when you finish the pot
Wearing too much perfume or cologne
Stopping to chat or look around in front of doorway, elevator or escalator
Leaving laundry sitting idle in machine at laundromat
Littering
Talking loudly on cell phone
Not holding the door for the person behind you whose arms are full
Using Barnes & Noble as den
Bringing child to R-rated film
Stinking up office with foul meals and snacks
Trying to sneak through a yellow light, ending up parked in intersection, blocking traffic
Sneezing without covering nose and offering snotty handshake
Not wiping equipment down after you’ve gotten it sweaty at gym
Not washing hands after using washroom
Plus a blank entry for you to write in
pack size :: 10 cards
card size :: 3.5 x 6 inches
colour :: full-colour front, greyscale back