Glarkware

Christmas Shipping Info & Offer

Glark — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 13:20:12 +0000

Free shipping offer

Use the coupon code “GLARKMAS” and get free shipping (US and Canada) when you buy 2 or
more shirts. Good until Dec 9th.

Ordering deadlines for Christmas delivery to USA

Standard Order by midnight on December 15th
3 Day Order by midnight on December 17th
Next day Express Order by midnight on December 20th

Ordering deadlines for Christmas delivery to Canada

USPS International Economy Order by midnight on December 7th
UPS Standard Order by midnight on December 12th

Ordering deadlines for Christmas delivery to International Destinations

UPS International Premium Order by midnight on December 13th

New For April!

Glark — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 17:32:25 +0000

Hello again! New for March it’s Cure Boneitis, and Window Into Madness.

Save $5 off your order with the coupon code APRILFOOLS11 from April 1st through April 3rd!

New For March!

Glark — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 00:43:21 +0000

Hello again! New for March it’s Damn Extra Zucchini, Question Authority, I Speak Hovitos and Air Pirates.

Soccer Imam

Glark — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 19:14:01 +0000

Congrats to Qatar’s World Cup bid success. I hope the players enjoy melting.

No better time to bring your attention to the Soccer Imam shirt, a design I whipped up based on an idea by my friends Deborah and Neman for sale on their new site Philosufi (serving the needs of Muslim mavericks since 1431).

This Is What Happens…

Glark — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 21:46:58 +0000

When you find A Stranger In The Alps.

Toaster Hoodie

Glark — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 17:10:06 +0000

A toaster is capable of a lot more than you might think at first glance. Even more than toasting your bread, actually. Treat it poorly, and it will find a way to collude with other toasters to overthrow humanity. But treat it well, and…well, you and that little old toaster might actually find love. It’s not a love that either of your communities will sanction or even understand, but you know best: that seemingly simple appliance loves you from the coils of its heart.

Also available as a shirt.

A Stranger In The Alps Hoodie

Glark — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 21:28:20 +0000

There comes a time in each person’s life when an overweight and extremely agitated Vietnam veteran shows up at one’s home, accuses one of crimes and misdeeds, and eventually drives himself into such a rage that he starts attacking the hell out of one’s new sports car (or, possibly, one’s neighbour’s new sports car) while shrieking that this is one happens when you find a stranger in the Alps! It’s an incident one can never possibly forget — so when you show up at your next event in a shirt that identifies YOU as that stranger in the Alps, you’re sure to inspire the telling of an exciting anecdote, or a terrified flashback. Definitely one or the other.

Also available as a shirt.

Night Cheese Hoodie

Glark — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 21:19:07 +0000

Nutritionists may advise against after-dinner snacks, but they don’t get you. They don’t know that you’ve done extensive research into which cheese is right for each hour of the day — or night. If you want to relax after a long day at work sitting on the couch with a platter of night cheese and filling a blanket with your farts, then frankly, that’s between you and the blanket. Never mind the naysayers: bust out your Brie with pride. Or, at least, less shame.

Also available as a shirt.

Uncertainty Principle Hoodie

Glark — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 20:57:17 +0000

We all have foes in this life — antagonists who get in our way, mess with our business, complicate our lives. Sometimes these foes are too big for us to represent visually — you know, like gender inequity, or social injustice, or sodium. But sometimes our foes have faces, and we spend our time scanning crowds for them. Calling friends in search of news of them. Or creating crude pencil drawings of them for use in our shadowy rituals. If that’s a bridge too far, maybe you could just wear the dude’s face on your hoodie.

Also available as a shirt.

Good Grammar Costs Nothing Hoodie

Glark — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 10:46:00 +0000

Spend any time on an internet message board — hell, even on a professionally produced website’s editorial content — and one thing will become dishearteningly clear: the number of people in the world who can put together a coherent sentence is dropping by the day.

Grammatical horrors surround us every day: “it’s” where there should be “its”; quotation marks used for emphasis, where there should be italics; comma splices out the wazoo. If we have to read “for all intensive purposes” one more damn time, we won’t be responsible for our actions.

Fortunately, we do have some recourse against grammatical offenses, short of justifiable homicide. As with any movement, the attempt to restore good grammar to its rightful importance requires both constant vigilance and a steady influx of new activist-recruits. Wearing this shirt around should help you get at least a couple of people who see it on the side of truth and righteousness.

Also available as a shirt.