Scholars and historians are always uncovering evidence that the official stories we’ve been taught have had key characters redacted — the roles of women and people of colour scrubbed out, so that the tales reinforce the status quo that The Man wants to perpetuate. History is written by the victors, as they say. And as it happens, most of the victories have been won, over the years, by old white dudes. When we see portraits of the U.S. founding fathers, what do we see? Old white dudes. What don’t we see? A nine-foot alien from an unknown planet from beyond the stars.
It’s time to set the historical record straight. Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, Button Gwinnett — we’re all plenty familiar with their asses. But they, and their white human colleagues, weren’t the only ones present for the signing of the Declaration of Independence. At last, Glarkware has restored Zartram the Merciless to his rightful place in history. The school books are propagating one version of of the Declaration; now your shirt can express the truth.
